Sunday Night blues

sitting here listening to Pete Townshend. ..drinking water, just finished smoking a cigarette. Cleaned up a little of the old mess here. Old mail, cleaned up the bathhroom a bit. Did some singing and playing, worked on some comedy. Went to get smokes, the cashier didn't give me all of my change, I had to ask for it, honest mistake. Went into work. Tried to tell some of my comedy, no real belly laughs. Brittany was buried. I was "in the way", I got mad at first, said "yeah especially when the phone rings". Then he said, "She needs help up front". Only thing is I don't know the front that well. I answered the phone and finished the boxes. It was kinda slow. I got some free pizza.. Made $30. saw some fireworks for a second. got a message from Nicole that said I was gonna kick ass at my new job of selling cars. hmm, we'll see. It's mind over matter, yet I feel I'm out of my mind. too angry for my own good.

Depression

Deep, and dark,excessive misery. I have bad teeth. I have no dental plan, no money, other than what I made tonight. I'm smoking again after 4 weeks of quitting. I'm lonely, and to boot, I have an infection on my...private area. It's benign Molluscum. It's supposed to go away on it's own. With my depressed state, I don't see it leaving soon. I've tried Calamine, Hydrocortozone cream with extra strength. Face wash, wart cream..NOTHING will kill this shit. or so it seems. There are some products online. I can go to the dermatologist but again, that costs money. I feel like I'll have to get a portion of my mouth cut out, because it's getting raunchy on the left side of my mouth. PLUS on top of it all, according to what I've read, I may have a stress-related disorder. From work, that I used to have. In a perfect world, I'd still be at the job, and I'd get time off to take care of my health issues. but NO...I get "well you quit", I was bullied plain and simple. I wanna choke the living shit out of the people that put me into this position. A phrase keeps going through my head"Vengeance is mine, thus sayeth the Lord."