uuggh

just sitting here freaking out about life....work was stressful, I took it home again...it blows sometimes, the band, well that seems to be getting better. I haven't made any progress with randy other than I think he's negative...or realistic, if so than the outlook on this scene is bleaker than I imagined. 9 months clean and sober...I had trouble with my expectations about taxes. I called no one about it, yet Randy called me... I felt like I talk too much about my self as usual. I'm not in a great space or so it seems. I need money...still after working so much and so hard, the winter bills are kinda killing me...this too shall pass they say. Trying to get positive. I missed my morning pages. I go to bed too late again, and don't get up on time...matbe I should be happy for what I got???it's not always that easy though...ok ...