grrrrr

I definately needa blog right now. I'm very angry. Almost to the point that I can't type. Went to work today, woke up tired. After getting an ample nights rest. I was still tired when i got up. Maybe I'm looking for this super awakeness. That I guess doesn't exist. Could it be from people saying "wake up". It's that crappy environment I work in? Why is every environment I work in crappy? Is it just me? Why can't I accept it? WHat the hell am I expecting. Ok so like yesterday, I made shift , to my shift. Because I'm not crazy about working undr the current band environment. I figured, work a different shift. Then it hit me, what about the gigs that are already lined up? When will I practrice? Can I stand working long shitfs? What about my art? I've been trying to follow this artist's schedule for a few years, now it seems I can't vene get up on time to keep going with it. I feel like it's just slipping away slowly, and I'll get sucked into corporate America. If it's a means to an end, than what's the end? Does it really truly end? This is a journey. Where am I in it? Why am I always so pissed off.?? A few nights ago, I asked God to remove it. I was gonna go to a meeting at 5:30, then I remembered I said, I'd help out delivering pizzas. I'm so not into doing that at this point, yet I need the money. I'm kinda forced to do it, to make ends meet, yet they never meet. So like what the fuck? What's the solution here? I'm lost