all kinds of emotionally f-ed up

I'm sitting here at 11:15 pm, I work at 8am...most people would be in bed at this time. Not me. I'm listening to Jeff Buckley-Grace. thinking about this girl I met and parted ways with about almost 3 years ago...she's another classic case of a fearful person that can't be alone. well she went back to this a-hole that she left at one time becasue he was stalking her. and here I sit with almost a year without getting drunk. I was so drunk when we hooked up. Sometimes I think, what if?? what if we both sobered and got together? a nice fantasy, then there's reality, something I'm getting used to. I read a message board the other night, her name was mentioned..does this mean she's free?? even if, would she even remember me? would she even care...I'd probably have to wait longer...sometimes I just think life isn't fair. Well it isn't...then there's new possibilities in the horizon. but my teeth. They are horrible. and I'm so miserably depressed, and people point it out to me...like I even want to be in public sometimes...ok rant over