GRRRR

I am so angry right now, I need to put my finger on it, but I can’t. I don’t even know how it started. I’ve been pretty good until I got home, then I was like really angry. A lot of it has to do with unseen ambitions, I used to go to open mic night on Monday, now I stopped going, I have nothing new. or at least I think, I mean the last time I wrote anything was well I tried yesterday. Nothing quite gelled So I sit here alone, again, with no food in me, just smoked a few cigarettes, and I can’t quit. I’ve tried , these things will kill me before I stop. I am so disappointed in myself. I have bills and I’m not paying them. I’m confused, and unmotivated. I can’t seem to shake the funk. I had this funk a while back, and I was hoping it would go, but it’s not. It sucks.
I’m not ready for another week of work. Traffic annoys me, bumps annoy me. I take wrong turns, and it annoys me. I owe lots of people money, and I think I wanna go and start another life in a new apartment, which is going to cost more money. I don’t want to keep running. I need to keep thinking that it’s all going to work out. Yet I don’t believe it will. My thoughts are strange. My teeth hurt. I sit here pissed off because people aren’t responding immediately. If emotions come and go like the tide, it’s monsoon season in my head.