Hump day July 11

Here I sit, after the third day of the new job. I'm wet. It was so hot in the warehouse today, that when it rained, I was actually happy to see it. I stood in it. I walked to my car slowly. When I got in, it was terrential downpour. The kind of rain that would cause my Granmother to get off of the phone. I stopped at the store and was going to stop at the meeting. I kept going thinking I'd make the 7. I opted to stay home instead. I need to be. I haven't been home in a while. I don't feel I'm in danger of drinking tonight. I wanted to blog. When I arrived at the apt, I was quite relieved to not have any bills. There was a message on the answer machine from friend Danny. He opened an office for lessons across the street from his pad in S.Glens Falls. He said if I was interested, I could teach and make some extra cash on the weekend. Sounds good on paper, but he has a habit of not staying in busines too long. I got excited about it, like I often do, only to be left dissapointed. Maybe this time is different. It would mean that I'd have to promote it, and drive 9 exits on the Northway. I'd need to have 4 students just to make it worth while.
The heat wipes me out, i was confused on the way home, and wasn't sure if it was from the heat, or the caffeine I just inhaled. I was trying to make a joke about ignorance, saying that I could be having a stroke, saying I was confused , and people would say the answer is in the steps. Or my family watching me die while saying "get over it" . I don't come from compassion.
I struggle with it myself. So I'm wet and tired, and might take a bath shortly, which has been a routine for the last couple of days. I stayed up late last night, and it made me a tiny bit late today. I stayed late though. OT baby. I'm so glad Doug called me back that day. He's a good manager, and funny. Sure makes my old jobs look like crap. AND THAT EXCITES ME. To me there's no better revenge than to live well, and I finally have the bragging rights. A few were talking today about how some people don't last long. I don't see me leaving soon. Why would I want to? things are going smoothly for a change.
Wednesday night is usually band practice night. I didn't get word that we were practicing.

Last night in the tub, I was reading about credit. I have been not so great with me credit, and it depresses me. I know that no one has perfect credit, it still doesn't excuse my attitude towards it and my life. I tried but couldn't get it together a few years back. I think I said "fuck it why bother" and now it is costing me. I may have a judgement soon, I'm even possibly facing eviction. I already have a ton of anxiety. So I try and just cope the best way I know how, and that is to realise I can't change my past, only work on my future.