Saturday

Woke up this morning after a night of gigging. I told the band I wanted out. I'm doing what I think is the last show tonight. The money is good, the music kinda blows. I woke up and did my morning pages. I did a "If I allow myself" denial excercise. I followed up with a little house cleaning. I threw away alot of old papers, and found some old lyrics. It's not easy looking at how crazy I used to be. There can be no growth in denial. I'm severely depressed and I hate it. I am not my behaviors though. I choose to get better. It's cold in my apt, I'm not even showered nor have I gotten anything to eat only a few pieces of bread this morning. I need to pay some bills, yet I keep putting them off. It's the 14th and I haven't sent in my rent check. OR my car payment, I even wonder now when my insurance is due. Just for today I guess.